René Magritte (Belgian, 1898-1967), La belle de nuit, 1940.
I am sitting next to my best friend Allie on the couch while I write this. She has come into town for my birthday, and we’ve been spending the last few days together. It is sort of this unofficial-yet-official agreement we have to make it to one another’s cities each year to celebrate if we can.
Allie has been a stabilizing force in my life since we were 15 and in high school in Cincinnati, just young teenage girls trying to move through life and be good. I love that we’ve always sort of whispered to one another that we should just be ourselves instead, and so the silence we share sitting next to one another watching a TV show has its own meaning because of that.
What a gift friendship is. To be known by anyone in this world is its own treat, terrifying as much as it is also essential. That has been a major theme of this current season of life: witnessing and being witnessed. I feel grateful that there are a number of wonderful people in my life practicing this with me everyday.
I’m turning 27 this year, and it feels sturdy, like life is a solid wooden chair with some worn grooves in it from sitting. My friend Olivia reminded me that year 27 is often known as the Saturn return age, where astrologically speaking we start to mature and seek a greater vision for our lives. I kind of think I just have a fully formed prefrontal cortex now, but talking of stars feels better. I want nothing out of this year than to grow more comfortable with who I am, live in my values, and to keep loved ones close.
The other day I started to list some reflections on the last year, and it turned into 27 Wisdoms for turning 27. It was an interesting exercise for me. I’m not sure last year I’d prioritize some of what I have listed today, and that just goes to show how life reveals different parts of us at different times. This is what feels like I’m in the midst of learning now, and I hope it reaches you in some way, too. Thanks for reading.
27 Wisdoms According to Chandler Meador on January 21st, 2024 at 8:30PM Central Time:
Do not sabotage the empty space. Leave it be.
Evil is banal and should come as no surprise; beauty is ubiquitous and always worth embracing.
After the sting, consider rejection to be its own form of freedom.
Floss.
Even in spite of big words, theories, and wit, no one, anywhere, has the full picture of what’s going on. Let trust be earned by action and not words.
Have the hard conversation. You will be fine.
Have the hard conversation even if you don’t think you’ll say it perfectly and the other person might breathe fire on you. You will be fine.
You have to have the hard conversation. I don’t know what to tell you other than you will be fine.
On people pleasing: Consider that you may not be as afraid of the response of the other person so much as you are afraid of who you might become when you start trusting yourself enough to take responsibility of your own needs.
As scary as it might be to take responsibility for your own life, it is also fun and exhilarating.
A paradox that’s true: When you take responsibility for your own life, you become capable of receiving actual care from others.
Grace really is sufficient, and all we have to help us move forward in real freedom. Share it and receive it with abundance.
You will get used to standing up and dusting yourself off and trying again.
It feels good to work hard for something.
Let yourself be witnessed. Start with a stranger if it helps. Or yourself, in the mirror.
(This statement is backed by science) You are a miracle, and so is everyone else. Sorry.
The people and places you leave behind also change. Let them?
Order your days around 3 or less main events. Then go to bed.
Having everything all at once could be nice but probably not as satisfying long term. We are creatures of satisfaction.
Healing, wellness, etc. is definitely for you but it should also eventually be for others.
All the good and normal things are for you.
You’ll have to be bad at it first to be good at it eventually. Knit wonky hats. Have awkward sex. Say I’m sorry in the most feeble manner. That’s jazz baby!
Fill your gas tank all the way up at the gas station…you have the time.
You have the time.
There is only this moment.
And this one.
And this one.
Chandler, I have just turned 26 and find myself bathing in a warm pool of finally-developed prefrontal cortex. Basically, I feel a lot more sure of myself and who I am. Things aren't pulling at me as much, and it's amazing. I wonder if you feel similar?
I loved this post. Your recollection of maturing with good friends by your side, for lack of a better word, felt warm. I just subscribed - keen to read more of your stuff, you big 27 year old! Just